Sunday, February 28, 2010

I've been dehermitized

For one day at least I got out and went to a gathering of old friends I hadn't seen for awhile and new people that I didn't know but are friends with the friends I hadn't seen in awhile. It wasn't so bad. I of course stayed pretty quiet at first and stuck to just talking to a few old friends but I eventually talked to almost everyone I think. The event was Molly's baby shower, so some of Chad's family was there too but I never got around to talking to them at all.

We did silly little baby shower things and ate some food and then watched Molly open all the presents. Mostly we sat around talking and stuff. It's been a long long time since I sat around and talked with people outside of work really. I mean a few times of hanging out with Chad and Molly aside, I hadn't really done anything with anyone outside of work or family events for a couple of years.

Part of the problem was my nights working 3rd shift meant I was always tired when I wasn't at work and never felt like doing anything, assuming it was at a time I was even awake to do anything anyway. And then after a year of working all night and sleeping all day I just got used to not doing anything and I just kept doing what I was used to.

Part of that was the apathetic nature I had to adopt to stay sane at work. I'm not going to go into the details of why apathy is required at work to stay sane, but that same apathy bled over into the rest of my life too unfortunately. So I'd spend my days sitting at my computer doing nothing or would sit in front of the TV just watching whatever.

This same apathy I think is one of the things keeping me from really writing any of the ideas I constantly have flowing through my head. I might say to myself this is what I want to write and I will go do it now, but my not so carefully cultivate sanity safety net of apathy kicks in and says why the hell bother? So there I am, left with the great idea trapped in my brain where it erodes away and nothing is ever heard from it again and I just continue to sit there bored because I never feel like doing anything.

And on a different note I recently purchased "The No Plot? No Problem! novel-writing kit" by Chris Baty, founder of National Novel Writing Month. It had some great ideas I might try to use next time I try to write something. It's designed to help someone write a 50,000 word first draft of a novel, and admirable goal, but not one I'm aiming for right now so I don't want to ruin it by reading all the stuff but want to leave it intact for some later date when I do want to start such a month long journey.

One of the little tips it said in the parts I can read before kicking of the grueling month long novel writing adventure is to turn off the spell checker and don't go back and revise anything. Just get through the month writing a first draft from start to finish, and then go back and edit it as needed. It's a good idea I think. I know I always seem to stop after a certain point and start rereading and then rewriting some of the earlier stuff. Now armed with this tip I might actually make it to the end of a story sometime.

I have other pitfalls that catch me sometimes, like after stopping my first writing session, usually from finger cramps not lack of ideas, I can never seem to get the ideas to start flowing again. This is something that maybe the novel writing kit has an answer to but like I said before I don't want to ruin the kit by reading ahead when I'm not ready to start that adventure just yet.

Anyway that's enough for one day.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I have a new project to probably never get finished

I was going to write a post about a fun new way to play Super Monkey Ball 2 for the Nintendo GameCube, specifically the Monkey Target party game, but it seems Adnega already beat me to it. We called it Flush #2. But I don't want to write about it now since he beat me to it.

Anyway I used to write silly little computer programs as a hobby back in the day, before going to college for computer programming took all the fun out of it. And I want to start writing them again just for fun. Even had an idea for a program to write. It came from an old episode of the cartoon show Animaniacs and the idea is you feed this program two or more text files, preferably full length novels or something, and it rips them to shreds and piecing them back to gather randomly and then you can try to read it and make sense out of it. The key will be maintaining whole words and parts of sentences so that its not complete gibberish. In fact the first version will probably deal with swapping around whole sentences until I know its working right and then I might have it start breaking sentences down. Anyway that's a project I hope to work on in the future.

You might ask why I would want to have a program that would do something like that. Well my answer is why not. Should be fun to write the code for it. And then maybe once I throw a few books through it and read all the gibberish it will give me my own story ideas or something. Should be good for unexpected plot twist at least I figure.

If you have any silly little computer program ideas and want to have me try to write them for you just tell me and I'll see what I can do. But I was never any good at programming within Windows with all the graphical user interface and menus and stuff like that. Pretty much stuck in the old text only command line days of programming I am.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Upcoming Posts ... maybe

Anyway I wanted to write something here quick about a few different posts ideas I have in my head. Nothing that's quite ready to actually be posted unfortunately.

The first one is the rewards, and dangers, of apathy. Specifically about me and the apathy I cultivated to be about to not go crazy at work a couple of years ago and the observations I have about its effects both at work and in my personal life in the time since then.

The second was a creation myth story I had for either a story I might try to write someday, if i ever motivate myself to actually write (refer back to the first idea above to see why I might lack in motivation right now :-P), or more what I had it in mind for at the time, the creation myth story for a role playing campaign, assuming I ever bother to try to GM again. GMing is not my strong suit. Finding players willing to play in my messed up worlds and with the various system modifications I make not withstanding.

The third idea, and one that needs a little research first, is actually one mentioned by Adnega in a comment on my Request post. Its an idea I suddenly had the other day about what if theology and chemistry follow the same rules. Specifically the rules about electron energy states and how they might apply to soul and the afterlife. But silly me, its been about 7 years since I've been in a chemistry class and I don't really remember much exactly about electron movement and their energy states. So thus I need to comb the Internet or find my old chemistry textbook and do some quick research.

I might have had another idea but I can't remember right now. Oh and there is a chance that I might start up a second blog for the sole purpose of my rants. I've had several rant ideas over the last week or so but I don't like the idea of filling this blog up with rants so I left them all unsaid for now. So that's something to look for in the future, maybe.

Saturday, February 13, 2010


I'd really love to post more blog entries but it seems like I never have anything to say anymore. So I'm putting out a request for ideas to talk about. Another request I have is for more people to leave comments. I'd be far more likely to write stuff if I knew people were actually reading it.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Over the Edge

Standing at the edge
Staring into oblivion
Terrible thoughts run through my brain
One step to change it all

Deep breaths, sour thoughts
Meditate on the meaning of hell
Personal demons flay my soul
All my sins laid on for all too see

Dark passages through darker terrain
Nothingness is my friend
Sacrifice on the alter of life
Plant a forest in my heart and dig a quarry in my brain

NAO 2-4-2010

Not sure why I'm so dark today. And really not sure whats up with that last line but I think I like it the best.