Sunday, January 19, 2014

Grey Skies part 1

Grey skies. He was so tired of that endless grey sky reaching down and merging with the distant grey horizon. Never ending blandness stretching out in all directions driving him mad and making him wish for anything at all to break the monotony.

"I thought you were supposed to be the hero of that story," came that familiar voice from just over his shoulder.

He revised his wish. Almost anything at all. Anything but that voice and the floating light image of a small winged being that was its speaker.

"Heroes are not supposed to die in their story," it annoyingly announced.

"Life isn't some story like in the books. There are no heroes," he answered gruffly.

"Then why was I sent to guide you?"

"You weren't. You are just a delusion, a figment of my imagination, a mental defect. You aren't real. You are just part of my eternal punishment."

The image floated around in front of him. "Now that is just mean. Saying I'm not real. Look at me. I'm right here. Of course I'm real. Why else would you be talking to me?"

Screaming in frustration he dropped to his knees. "Just leave me alone! Go away! Haven't you already done enough damage? Caused enough torment?"

I can't leave you. I'm your guide. And you are going to need me to get out of this place. And I'm not here to torment you. I'm here to help you."

He gave up. He wanted anything but that bleak expanse of greyness surrounding him. Anything but having to hear that voice again. He slammed his head against the hard ground with all his strength. Pain shot through his whole being and for just a moment there was a hint of sweet black nothingness at the edge of his perception. Again and again he beat his head against the ground. The pain grew but unconsciousness was always just out of his grasp.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You are already dead and there are no painkillers in Hell. You are just going to give yourself a massive headache," the voice said with sickly innocence.

To be continued?

I wrote this last night. I wanted to write a poem but a story came instead. Not that I know what the story is trying to say. But once I got to the line about there being no painkillers in hell I laughed and knew I needed to write it down instead of just trying to remember it until I woke up today.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Sound of Breaking Glass

Sound of breaking glass,
As my heart lays dead on the floor.
The hole in my chest is not fresh,
Just never fully healed.
The old familiar numbness spreads,
Illusions shattered as I stumble on. 
Most people can't see the hole in me,
Just like they can't see the hole in themselves.
Some holes are half healed,
Others bandaged with alcohol or drugs.
Some are fresh and still bleeding,
Still others are festering with rot.
Yet we all continue to stumble on,
Neither living nor dead.
A zombie apocalypse far more camouflaged,
And not caused by any science or virus.
Just the oldest of illusions,
And the  simplest of magics. 
The sound of breaking glass,
My heart lay dead on the floor. 
It's not my finest work, I know. But hey, those were the words that got written down. As always some lines were forgotten while I was in the process of writing. No clue if those lines would have made it better or worse.

Saturday, June 29, 2013


Every creation myth I have ever heard, from ancient myths of the Greeks or Persians or Hebrew or any other ancient culture, straight through to the big bang theory of modern science claims that in fact something can be created from nothing, or something always existed.

In many of the old myths some god slays some older being to form the earth, or the earth might form itself. The gods might be born of some earlier entity for which we are left wondering how it was born. It seems to me that people have always struggled with the where things began.No one can remember their own birth or what happened before they were born so the idea that there was always something or someone around Before seems natural.

Yet I find it interesting that in every myth there was always some step before humans came about. Instinctively we seem to know that we were not the beginning. That the earth and heavens existed before us and will continue to exist after us. That the animals and plants and gods were all there before we came about.

Even in science we acknowledge that there was evolution before humanity came about.And we have no way of knowing what happened before the big bang because time in this universe didn't even start until the big bang so there can be no concept of before that instance. And I have heard that in quantum physics at the minuscule levels that it deals with particles of matter can literally pop into existence out of nothing.

So I think it's safe to say that to the human mind something has always and will always exist. I've talked before about my search for nothing and have utterly failed to prove that nothing exists. I'm still quite confident that nothing does exist but am at a complete loss on how or where to find it.

So as I see it there are only two options. Either something has always existed, or if there was a time when there was only nothing, something can be created from nothing. Now I just have to figure out the nature of something. At the rate I'm going I'm going to die of old age long before I can ever prove that I exist.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Cruel Fate

O' Cruel Fates! 
How you torture me with hopes, 
Moments of happiness teased from my dreams, 
Just to dash them on the stones of misfortune.

To be lost eternal in this fog, 
Brought down upon me by deeds nefarious,
The evil sinews of my heart twisted, 
With no tears shed by the heavens.

O' Lamb of Innocence, 
Was thine maker mine? 
By this blackmail does he try to bind
And gain my supplication?

How can one be true to one’s own heart,
When one’s heart is twisted and torn,
Laid broken at your feet
And trampled by your negligent artifice.

6/8/2013 NAO

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Dreams of Silver and Grey

Dreams of Silver and Grey

On mountaintops you dwell,
Heart of my heart,
In distant skies
Dreamt by no Dreamer.

In the coldest light
And fiery darkness,
I lock away all this pain
That reminds me of another day.

Crazy oaths of lost meaning
And dead rituals by which they're sworn,
Lay safe in a place not yet born
The religions of future's past.

Castle walls built of blood,
Heros' split in vain defense,
Surrounding cemeteries of unborn thoughts
And the saddest secrets of them all.

By way of despair or hope
The richest beggars and penniless princes
Journey to edge of Chaos
Where madness laughs from out of the Void.

©2013 by NAO


I finally wrote something again. I have no idea what it means, but at least I wrote something again.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Stick a fork in me

Well I got notice today that there was something wrong with my AdSense and they deactivated it. Good thing I just got my last check from them last week I suppose. There was something about being able to appeal it and maybe reinstating it, but quite frankly I hardly have anything worth saying on this blog anymore anyway so why bother. Trying to keep a little bit of money coming in from the ads was pretty much the only reason I bothered to keep posting stuff this year. A quick glance through the crap I've been posting and the frequency of it will tell you how well that has worked.

So this isn't necessarily the end of my blog, but I am even less likely to keep posting anything. Unless I have something major I really want to say I think I'll be done for now.