Friday, December 17, 2010

I don't really have much to say right now. I've been thinking a lot recently how I always seem to be bashing Christianity. I think it's quite obvious by now that I have some major issues with religion. But I'd like to take some time and say that I don't have problems with people believing what they want in the ways that they want to. I don't have a problem with religion itself or what it teaches the majority of the time. There are some issues that the church has opposing views than me on and that's fine. It's their right to have a different opinion than me.

What I do have a problem with is when the church as a whole, or more likely members of the church in groups, since the church as a whole rarely agrees with itself enough to do anything if you count all the various denominations, try to force their views onto everyone else. It angers me greatly when people try to use parts of the bible, often taken completely out of context, to harm someone or deny them their rights.

Prime example of this is the gay marriage debate going on all over this country. I have not seen one argument for the ban of gays to marry that uses any logic or reasoning outside that the bible says it's wrong. Admittedly I don't read much on the subject outside what has been going on recently here in my home state of Iowa, so such an argument might be out there, but I haven't seen or heard it yet. While the bible may say that marriage is between a man and a woman, it must be remembered that the bible isn't our law book. And as I noted on my Facebook account a few days ago, that while I have not yet read the entire bible, there is not to my knowledge any place in the bible that says a man can only marry one woman at a time. And in fact there are several times that people in the bible have multiple wives, most notably King Solomon and his 700 wives and 300 concubines. So if we want to use it as a basis of our marriages why is polygamy illegal?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Christian Mathematics

Givens:
Jesus is fully human being.
Jesus is fully divine being.
Jesus is one being.
The Trinity is the Father , the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Jesus is the Son in the Trinity.
The Trinity is one being.

What you can gather from these givens:
Jesus is 2/1 beings.
Jesus is 1/3 of a being.
(2/1)*(1/3)=2/3
Jesus is 2/3 of a being.

Further absurdities:
2=1
3=1
2/3=1
1^2= 4/9 or 2/3 or 4/3 or 6/3 or 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 6 or 9

This is what my brain comes up with when I can't fall asleep even though I'm tired. I could continue but this is ridiculous enough as is. If I tried hard enough I think I can show that all non-prime numbers in fact equal 1 using Christian Mathematics. And if I tried just alittle harder after that I might be able to show that all numbers equal 1, though that might stretch my skills some.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Meet a stranger in a chat room and got to chatting about various stuff. Eventually it came around to how his marriage of 6 years wasn't as happy as it used to be. Here is an excerpt from the conversation, almost completely my side except for one of his responses I left in. Its been cleaned up some and hopefully grammatically corrected, but otherwise nearly completely exactly like I said to this otherwise complete stranger. Here goes my theory on marriages. Please note this is all a matter of opinion and I am no where near an expert having little to no relationship experience. This is all from observing the world around me.

-----------------

Well it goes like this as far as I can tell. Guys think romance is what catches a woman and once she's been caught whats the point in more romance. Women think marriage is just another step into ever greater amounts of romance. You can blame those cheesy romance novels and movies as far as I can tell. Without them women might see men as they are instead of as they wish them to be.

Mean while women are willing to do the more sexual stuff for men early on because that keeps him interested. And once he's been caught in marriage they don't think they should have to anymore. Where as men up to that point were led to believe she liked it and would continue to do it.

Both parties trick the other into thinking what they want will continue to happen after the marriage with no real intention to continuing to deliver on their end of the bargain.

The odd thing is, even knowing this, I want to find the right girl and get married. How stupid does that make me?

(his response):
Stupid? No. Human? Yes.

Yet humans, for all the great knowledge and wisdom we like to brag we have, are probably the dumbest creatures on the planet. I've never had a high opinion of humans. Of course I rarely think of myself as wholly human. I have no facts to back this up mind, but I often claim to be an alien, an evolved human, or just a freak of nature. All a matter of opinion really. I always claim to be weird. I mean who wants to be normal anyway?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Descent Into Madness


Falling forever into my fears
In this dark pit
That is my mind
A giant blackhole
Where I know not
Which way is up
And which is down

And as I float in a river
Of my own blood
I wonder what happened
To the boy who loved to play in sun
And why I am now condemned
To this eternal darkness
That is my curse

And as I choke and drown
In a pool of my sins
I see a light, an image
Of a boy playing in the sun
And as my eyes forever close
I see the happiness in his eyes
And with my last breathe of life
I whisper "What happened to me?"


--------------------

I wrote this back in highschool. I used to have it all memorized and would recite it to myself as I would walk home from school. If I ever knew what I meant with these words I have long sense forgotten them. I remember this was one of my favorites of my old poems.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

You often hear theories about parallel dimensions or parallel universes, but I ask you why do they have to be parallel? Dictionary.com defines parallel as: extending in the same direction, equidistant at all points, and never converging or diverging.

But why must these other dimensions or universes never converge? Why must they always be equal distance apart? I have heard a theory that says that ghosts and aliens are just beings from other dimensions that manage to travel to or effect this universe in some unknown way.

Anyway I have spent some time trying to figure out what a perpendicular universe would be like as opposed to a parallel one. A parallel universe would be easy, it would be almost exactly like this one. A perpendicular universe would be at right angles to this universe. What would that mean?

Or what of a tangent universe, where it touches our universe at only one spot. If Einstein was right about space-time, does that mean a tangent universe only touches one spot of space-time and therefore is identical to our universe, in that one spot at least, for just an instance, or is that one spot the same in both universes throughout all eternity?

If you were standing in a spot where two or more universes converged would you be able to tell the difference? Would you suddenly have the knowledge and memories of your other selves, assuming you had other selves in those universes.

In a parallel universe its relatively safe to assume that there would be a parallel you living a parallel life. But what of a tangent universe? Would there be a tangent you that only resembled you for that one instance?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The 5 classical elements that make of the universe: Fire, Air, Water, Earth, & Spirit.

Of these Fire and Water oppose each other, as do Air and Earth. So what is Spirit opposing?

Each culture seemed to have its own list but said list usually had 4 or 5 elements. I propose a more complex system. Still we have Earth/Air, Fire/Water, & Spirit(life). But we had in the opposing elements of Light and Shadow, and the opposing element of Spirit, Death. And in my philosophy death is actually a rebirth & reincarnation, so for those that the idea of Death as an element maybe we could say Rebirth, but that sounds less in opposition to Spirit.

So in my outlook on the universe there are 8 elements that form everything. Sometimes they work together to create things and sometimes they oppose each other. The important thing to remember always is balance. The Universe always seeks balance in the long run.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

While driving to work today I got an idea for a story. It's not a story I'm ever going to write. And really I guess it's more of a screen play idea. The basic plot is already written by the great wordsmith himself, William Shakespeare. The idea is this: lesbian Romeo & Juliet between an out of the closet goth girl and bi-curious popular cheerleader type. I've been out of high school for awhile so maybe the stereotypes need to change or something but I think you get the idea. Instead for warring families you have factions of tolerant vs intolerant peers and fighting between the cliques that all high schools seem to have. Of course you could make the same story between gay men instead of women. But personally I'd rather see it as women.

And truth be told I'm sure it has already been done somewhere. I mean people of been ripping off Shakespeare since he started writing. Of course I once watched a show talking about how there is a theory that Shakespeare didn't actually write his plays, but I can never remember the name of the guy whom this theory says did write them for him. I think it's part of the movie Shakespeare in Love, but I've never actually seen that movie so I have no idea. If not part of the movie the guy's name is mention. I remember he supposedly died but the theory holds that he faked his death and fled the country to escape paying is gambling debts or some such.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I have a few rough story ideas floating around in my head and no idea how to develop them into full stories.

One idea I had was a sci-fi story about colonizers reaching a planet that had been scouted out to be excellent earth like planet only to find out that its in the middle of an ice age by the time they reached it to build their colony. No idea where I wanted to go with the story beyond that though.

Another story involves a great city in some fantasy world that has multiple rulers controlling smaller sections of the city and fighting each other and politically moving against each other, both openly and covertly, to try to gain control of the entire city. Only I don't think I could write out all the intrigue that this story would need. My mind just doesn't work good at that stuff I don't think.

The last story idea I have involves the idea of cyclic time and the coming of the "Age of the Gods" again. It would involve the modern era being destroyed and recreated into the world of old mythology with old gods being reborn and new gods being created fighting for control to shape the world for the next cycle.

This story involves the idea I've had in the back of my mind for awhile about a cycle of "ages." Namely the ages of gods and legends like all the old mythologies, the age of magic followed by the age of man where gods and legends and magic have lost their hold on the world and wait to be reborn in the next cycle.

The first two ideas might be just short stories, or collections of related short stories, but the last idea I would want to have a full novel trilogy to properly cover everything. Only I know I couldn't keep myself writing that long right now.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Do I stay or do I go?

I've left this blog for to long. I've had stuff to say but have been to lazy to bother typing any of it out for months now. I've forgotten what half the posts I wanted to write were even about. Some of it was more of my bible interpretations, and others my odd life philosophies and theories about how the world really works. Some undoubtedly were bits of story with no story to fit them in yet. But now they are all gone. All because I've become to lazy to bother typing anything up. And some of that has been because I know I only have like two readers and nothing I say ever seem to interesting. So now my question is should I even try anymore? Or should I just shut this blog down?

Friday, August 13, 2010

Burn it all away.
What do we need it for anymore anyway?
Grind it up, toss it away.
Use it up without a care.

----

I had so much more of that ready to type but as soon as I started outting it down I forgot it all. I had literally only wrote it in my head a few seconds before getting here and starting to type it up and in that short time I forgot it all. Sad.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I am still alive, trust me. I just haven't had a lot to say here. I've been spending most of my free time playing in Photoshop and on deviantArt. Trying to learn new tricks and styles, and making some kick ass wallpapers. My photomanipulation skills are still lacking sadly but with work I hope to make some half decent images. Anyway it's late. I just wanted to put something new up here in case I actually have readers.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Zombies in love

I wish I had the writing skill, and the inclination, to write a zombie love story. I mean seriously when was the last time you saw a good romantic zombie story? But what the hell do I know about writing zombie stories?

I never read them and I tend to not watch zombie movies all that often as they tend to be rather predictable. Zombie video games tend to annoy me since they never seem to give you enough ammo unless you are awesome at making head shot on the run. I just don't have that kind of hand-eye coordination.

Anyway, so I think a good zombie romance story would open the whole zombie genre to many new paths it could go down, instead of the worn out story lines that are out there. And just to be clear on this, I mean the zombie characters falling in love with each other or something. Not just a love story between humans that also happens to contain zombies.

I mean seriously, most of the movies seem to indicate that the primary driving factor of hunger left over from their days of being alive is what drives them. Now one thing that has always bothered me about that is why do they only want to feed on living humans? Why not on each other or, I don't know, maybe normal food?

But I'd have to say that the primary driving factor for a large chunk of humanity is actually mating. So why don't you ever see zombies following that driving factor of human live?

Anyway that's all I have to say tonight.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Soulless whelps of fire born
Under dark lit nights stalk
Careful, Traveller, be this night

Dancing lights in distance be
No friendly campsite for thee
Evil lurks in these woods

Beguiled and enchanted they lead astray
Many a good souls on which they prey
Into dangers unseen underfoot

Trapped in the land of Fae you be
A part of their endless revelry

NAO 5/22/2010
--------
Based loosely off Will-o'-the-wisp tales I suppose. I can't come up with a good title or ending line right now. As always comments welcome.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Much Ado About Nothing

Now I've said before that I doubt everything. I doubt the world around me and my perceptions of it. I doubt the people around and I even doubt myself and my own thoughts. I doubt all of existence. But I finally figured out something I couldn't doubt. I can't doubt nothing.

The very idea of nothing, no light, no matter, no energy, no time, no anything; this concept is so grand and so extreme and so utterly strange and incomprehensible really that I can't doubt that somewhere, some time, nothing exists.

I don't understand the full nature of nothing, as I believe I've discussed in a previous posting on this blog, but I have no doubt now that nothing actually exists. I once read that before Descartes came up with his famous "I think, therefore I am" argument he doubt everything in search of something in which he couldn't doubt and from which he could then build his philosophy around. I have no idea if that is true or not, but I have just found that which I can not doubt and from which I now have a foundation to build upon.

It is hard for me to say right now what I will build on this foundation of nothing but I nonetheless feel it is a sturdy foundation to build upon. I mean have established there is nothing one has everything to look forward to.

Friday, April 23, 2010

A long wait

The Book of Revelation says many things and means many things to many people who all seem to interpret it differently. Recently I've had a coworker who has started reading the bible as literal prophecy of the future end times or whatever. And that's all fine and dandy that he believes what he obviously wants to believe. He started this whole kick about its prophecy I don't really know why, but he mentioned a Tim McHyde as helping him to understand it. I mention that in case you are curious to understanding this viewpoint.

Personally I see the bible as a book written 2,000+ years ago for an audience 2,000+ years dead. I don't think it has any prophecies about our future. That's just my opinion and not the point of this post.

The point is this. For all you people that think the Book of Revelation is true prophecy that the end times are near and you can't wait for that. My coworker said he just hopes he's alive to see it happen, for reason I can't possibly understand. Anyway I'd just like to point out chapter 20. Go read it quick if you want. Revelation 20 (New International Version)

What it says in brief is this, after the four horsemen ride and the seven seals are broken and hell quite literally breaks out on Earth; after all that, Satan will be locked up for 1,000 years. At which point he will be released again for a short time and then killed or banished or whatever. And only then will the new paradise on earth happen.

My brief skimming of the book the other night seemed to indicate that the minimum amount of time for the hell on Earth phase of the prophecy was three and a half years, and then there is a one thousand year wait, then another brief period of Satan running loose, before YHWH finally has his paradise. That means if you are alive at the start of the end times you will definitely be dead before paradise shows up. That's all I'm saying.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Omnipresence

Refer back to my earlier post Sudden Understanding for an introduction to my one spirit/one mind theory as that is the basis for the viewpoint of this post. What follows is something I thought up on my drive to work today and tried to write down as soon as I got to work. It changed some between initial thinking up and eventual writing down, for the better or worse I have yet to decide.

------

I am Everything. I am the Universe. I have always been. I always will be. Every day I die a million times. Every day I am reborn a million times. I am in everything. Everything is within me. I am the consciousness of it all. A single viewpoint on billions of lives everyday. I exist outside of time and yet I am time. Everything that has ever been or ever will be is inside me, is made of me as I am made of everything. I am the whole of existence, yet existence is what makes me, defines me. You are me, just as I am you. You were born from me, just as one day I will be born from you. You will return to me, leaving that which is physical of you with all that is physical in me, and that which remains will be reborn in me richer for all that it has experienced. You will be reborn to experience it all, just as I am constantly reborn to experience all that there is. A grain of sand on a beach feeling the waves wash over me. An eagle soaring high in the sky with the wind all around me. A blade of grass on a hill swaying in the wind, yet rooted in the earth. All that which can be perceived is to be experienced from every vantage point. you must strive to experience all that can be, all that can be perceived, and all that which is beyond perception. To understand it all you must first realize you understand nothing, and then immerse yourself in that nothing. Having then experienced nothing you can experience all that there is, all that has ever been, and all that will ever be.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Transcript of nighttime ramblings

What follows is the transcript from the tape recorder that sits next to my bed so I can record my random thoughts when I'm too lazy to write them or already have the lights out. Stuff in quotes was meant to be a story I wanted to write, let's see if you can figure out what its about from these snippets.

Following that is just some random stuff that must have made some sense to me at the time but now just show the randomness that is my mind. After that is a short poem or the beginning to some poem I have since forgotten completely about. The first word(s) I couldn't make out from the tape so I put in brackets what I thought I was saying.

And finally there is a question which was meant to remind me of a train of thought I had the other day while reading Siddhartha. Sadly I can't remember it all now but I will try to expand on what I can remember tomorrow in a separate post.

---------------------------------

"They would have you believe that He was somehow was before the rest of us. But the truth is none of us can remember when we were born. We were... It was just a matter of we were, and then the universe was."

"My prescribed role in the story is that of the prideful dissident cast out from perfection. But that's not how it really was."

Beautiful words lost in fluff.

"There is no words to describe what it was before the universe. They like to say 'In the beginning there was only darkness.' But that's not how it was, for even in darkness there is still... sparks, ideas, crayons, fuck! I don't know where I'm going with that. Clearly not crayons. Um. What is darkness? Is it really simply the absence of light? If light then is... energy or mass, darkness when then be void. No energy, no mass, the anti-universe."

A Cheetos in time saves an elephant in the bush.

Teddy bear king and gorilla jester.

Panda, anteater, marmoset, hippopotamus.

[night air] glistening,
moonlit skies,
Blood red stained steel.

Is the remembrance of a thought a thought?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A few notes from a sleepy night not long ago

The following is a page of semi-related but random notes I wrote in my notebook one night just before going to sleep. Other than punctuation and spelling corrections it appears as it was in my notebook. Want to discuss any of these ideas or have me expand upon any of them?

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
-Do I believe this?

Emotions are electrochemical responses.
-Emotions are energy.

There is finite energy in the universe.

Energy is both positive and negative.

The more negative energy one takes within themselves the more positive energy they allow others to possess.

"Good" ends can be achieved by "evil" deeds.
-So what is "good?" What is "evil?"

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
-shouldn't the cumulative effects of human footsteps shake the world apart?

The energy that animates our bodies must surely go somewhere when we die.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Walking and thinking

So I just spent the last 55 minutes doing laps around my apartment complex to get some exercise. Feels good even though I'm sure the blisters on my feet will suck while I have to stand all night at work tomorrow. Anyway while I was walking I was thinking, and primarily I was wondering what it felt like to be stabbed.

Now I dislike pain so I in no way want to really experience being stabbed but I was pondering what it might feel like. Trying to decide if I ever had to write about a character getting stabbed in one of my stories what would I say it felt like.

I will probably Google it later and see if anyone has wrote about their experience being stabbed and I can read what they said it felt like. Personally I'm guessing that you wouldn't feel the knife at first, that it would feel like getting punched at first. But what do I know? Muscles getting cut would be painful I'm sure so I'm sure you would feel that soon enough even if you don't feel the initial penetration of the blade.

Anyway if any of my 3 or 4 readers have ever been stabbed or shot or something and you can remember what it really felt like at the time please do tell me.

Besides wanting an accurate description of what a stabbing felt like I was thinking about what the mind would actually experience. Now for centuries philosophers have wondered about the mind and its connection to the body. I don't remember all the theories and thoughts on the matter right now. I do remember duality to some extent I think. That the mind and the body exist on different levels or something. The mind being a spiritual energy or some such while the body is physical matter and what not.

That got me wondering if the mind would disconnect from the body to save itself for feeling all the pain the body was going through upon being stabbed? And if it did disconnect what would it experience? What can the mind perceive of the world if its not connected to the physical sensory organs and the brain processing centers? Kind of makes me wish I knew where I could go to experience a sensory deprivation chamber.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Magnetic Poetry

I got my old magnetic poetry magnets out the other day and this was the randomness that I put together today. Just a silly little poem that I have no idea what it means or if its trying to say anything. I took a pic of it with my iPhone because I just felt that would be easier than rewriting it. And then did a little editing of the pic, mostly uping the brightness and contrast. Just felt like sharing it. I really like that last line. Mostly just the "whisper symphony" part really. I just like that combination of words. Anyway tell me what you like about it, or don't like about it.

In other news I started writing a rough draft of a short story. It will still need some fine tuning but I decided to just start writing my ideas down before I forgot them all. I may type it up and put it on here in the future, once I write a little more that is. but I wouldn't hold your breathe on that just yet.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Well I'm still alive, for now.

Some time last week I started to get a sore throat. That's it, nothing else. Just a sore throat. I thought maybe I had scratched my throat one day when I was taking my multivitamin or something. By Thursday night I was getting sick and tired of having a sore throat and almost left work early just because I wanted to come home and rest.

I ended up being tired on Friday and lost track of time and was going to be late for work, and then I decided to just stay home instead. By the end of the night I was feeling a little worse so it seemed like a good idea I guess.

The weekend was long and kind of boring. But each day I seemed to get just a little sicker. What started as a sore throat became a sore throat with a stuffed up nose to eventually a minor cough. I got up today and felt like shit, but not bad enough to bother with a trip to the doctor's office or skipping more work (since I still haven't got paid for my week of unemployment I'm kind of strapped for cash at the moment).

The good news is I don't seem to have a sore throat anymore. The bad news is I can rarely breathe through my nose for very long it's so clogged up and what was a minor cough has become a lot worse. Not the worse cough I've ever had but very annoying all the same. I hate coughing.

Anyway I'll probably make a trip to the doctor's office tomorrow if I still feel like crap after I wake up. If nothing else maybe they can give me some antibiotics, which are just about the only thing I ever bother taking when it comes to meds. Assuming of course that whatever is causing this annoying head cold thing is something antibiotics would work on.

If it was just a bit warmer out I'd really like to open my windows and get some fresh air in here and see if maybe that would help me at all. And I think its just about time I finally get around to actually cleaning up this pig sty.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Half Asleep Theology 101

We'll start with some definitions for a few words courtesy of dictionary.com:

aberrant - deviating from what is normal.
firmament - the vault of heaven; sky.
vault - arched structure forming a ceiling.
heavens - sky.
hover - 1. to hang fluttering or suspend in the air. 3. to remain in an uncertain or irresolute state; waver.

And now let's get some biblical passages, this time from my New Living Translation bible:

Gen 1:1-1:2 "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was empty, a formless mass cloaked in darkness. And the Spirit of God was hovering over its surface."

Gen 1:7-1:8 "And so it was. God made this space to separate the waters above from the waters below. God called the space “sky.” This happened on the second day. "

So what does all this mean? Well YHWH creates the heavens and the earth in Gen 1:1 on the first day and yet heavens just means sky and he doesn't create the sky until the second day for some reason. Also the earth was formless yet it has mass and a surface. A surface implies there is already a barrier between the earth (below) and the heavens (above) so again why create this space on day two and wait until then to name it sky. And something to note of course is that YHWH doesn't create darkness, it's already there, so any statement about him creating the whole universe is disproved right there in Gen 1:2.

Secondly I find it odd to have this distinction between "God created" in Gen 1:1 and "the Spirit of God hovered" in Gen 1:2. Brings me back to something I've touched on before I think, either here on my blog or in replies to other peoples blogs, about what is "the Spirit of God" or "the Holy Spirit?" In the first three sentence of the bible they are already making this distinction. It must have some significance. Though what that is I am currently unsure. Two me it seems like these or two separate entities, though I know most Christians believe in the trinity all somehow being one entity.

Now in Gen 1:2 it says "the Spirit of God is hovering over its surface" and the definition of hover specifies "in the air" so therefore again I say the space between the waters below and above was created on day one or the spirit would have been floating or swimming, not hovering. That is of course unless you want to go with the other definition for hover that I provided. What might YHWH's spirit be uncertain about after creating the earth? Finally we get to what I actually wanted to say.

When bad things happen to people it is often said "God tests us." It is also said that YHWH is omnipotent and omniscient (all powerful and all knowing). If he truly were all knowing why would he need to test us? Wouldn't he already know the results? I think the obvious answer (and again something I've touched on before) is that he isn't all knowing or all powerful.

More importantly I would ask why does he test his own believers? Is he looking for some quality within them that they aren't already showing by believing in him and following his religion? Is he perhaps picky about which souls he lets into heaven so he tests them while they are on earth? Is believing in him and be his follower not good enough to get into heaven then?

I propose that YHWH tests people in search of aberrant souls. And if man was created in his image, and is capable of having an aberrant soul, what does that say about the purity of his own soul? Could this have anything to do with the uncertainty of YHWH's spirit?

The preceding was some random notes I jotted down before falling asleep last night. Not much real thought was put into any of it, nor did I expand on any of the thoughts beyond bringing my notes into full sentences for the most part. I would be happy to expand on any ideas expressed here at a later date if replies to this post indicate there is interest in any of the gibberish I just wrote.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I've been dehermitized

For one day at least I got out and went to a gathering of old friends I hadn't seen for awhile and new people that I didn't know but are friends with the friends I hadn't seen in awhile. It wasn't so bad. I of course stayed pretty quiet at first and stuck to just talking to a few old friends but I eventually talked to almost everyone I think. The event was Molly's baby shower, so some of Chad's family was there too but I never got around to talking to them at all.

We did silly little baby shower things and ate some food and then watched Molly open all the presents. Mostly we sat around talking and stuff. It's been a long long time since I sat around and talked with people outside of work really. I mean a few times of hanging out with Chad and Molly aside, I hadn't really done anything with anyone outside of work or family events for a couple of years.

Part of the problem was my nights working 3rd shift meant I was always tired when I wasn't at work and never felt like doing anything, assuming it was at a time I was even awake to do anything anyway. And then after a year of working all night and sleeping all day I just got used to not doing anything and I just kept doing what I was used to.

Part of that was the apathetic nature I had to adopt to stay sane at work. I'm not going to go into the details of why apathy is required at work to stay sane, but that same apathy bled over into the rest of my life too unfortunately. So I'd spend my days sitting at my computer doing nothing or would sit in front of the TV just watching whatever.

This same apathy I think is one of the things keeping me from really writing any of the ideas I constantly have flowing through my head. I might say to myself this is what I want to write and I will go do it now, but my not so carefully cultivate sanity safety net of apathy kicks in and says why the hell bother? So there I am, left with the great idea trapped in my brain where it erodes away and nothing is ever heard from it again and I just continue to sit there bored because I never feel like doing anything.

And on a different note I recently purchased "The No Plot? No Problem! novel-writing kit" by Chris Baty, founder of National Novel Writing Month. It had some great ideas I might try to use next time I try to write something. It's designed to help someone write a 50,000 word first draft of a novel, and admirable goal, but not one I'm aiming for right now so I don't want to ruin it by reading all the stuff but want to leave it intact for some later date when I do want to start such a month long journey.

One of the little tips it said in the parts I can read before kicking of the grueling month long novel writing adventure is to turn off the spell checker and don't go back and revise anything. Just get through the month writing a first draft from start to finish, and then go back and edit it as needed. It's a good idea I think. I know I always seem to stop after a certain point and start rereading and then rewriting some of the earlier stuff. Now armed with this tip I might actually make it to the end of a story sometime.

I have other pitfalls that catch me sometimes, like after stopping my first writing session, usually from finger cramps not lack of ideas, I can never seem to get the ideas to start flowing again. This is something that maybe the novel writing kit has an answer to but like I said before I don't want to ruin the kit by reading ahead when I'm not ready to start that adventure just yet.

Anyway that's enough for one day.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I have a new project to probably never get finished

I was going to write a post about a fun new way to play Super Monkey Ball 2 for the Nintendo GameCube, specifically the Monkey Target party game, but it seems Adnega already beat me to it. We called it Flush #2. But I don't want to write about it now since he beat me to it.

Anyway I used to write silly little computer programs as a hobby back in the day, before going to college for computer programming took all the fun out of it. And I want to start writing them again just for fun. Even had an idea for a program to write. It came from an old episode of the cartoon show Animaniacs and the idea is you feed this program two or more text files, preferably full length novels or something, and it rips them to shreds and piecing them back to gather randomly and then you can try to read it and make sense out of it. The key will be maintaining whole words and parts of sentences so that its not complete gibberish. In fact the first version will probably deal with swapping around whole sentences until I know its working right and then I might have it start breaking sentences down. Anyway that's a project I hope to work on in the future.

You might ask why I would want to have a program that would do something like that. Well my answer is why not. Should be fun to write the code for it. And then maybe once I throw a few books through it and read all the gibberish it will give me my own story ideas or something. Should be good for unexpected plot twist at least I figure.

If you have any silly little computer program ideas and want to have me try to write them for you just tell me and I'll see what I can do. But I was never any good at programming within Windows with all the graphical user interface and menus and stuff like that. Pretty much stuck in the old text only command line days of programming I am.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Upcoming Posts ... maybe

Anyway I wanted to write something here quick about a few different posts ideas I have in my head. Nothing that's quite ready to actually be posted unfortunately.

The first one is the rewards, and dangers, of apathy. Specifically about me and the apathy I cultivated to be about to not go crazy at work a couple of years ago and the observations I have about its effects both at work and in my personal life in the time since then.

The second was a creation myth story I had for either a story I might try to write someday, if i ever motivate myself to actually write (refer back to the first idea above to see why I might lack in motivation right now :-P), or more what I had it in mind for at the time, the creation myth story for a role playing campaign, assuming I ever bother to try to GM again. GMing is not my strong suit. Finding players willing to play in my messed up worlds and with the various system modifications I make not withstanding.

The third idea, and one that needs a little research first, is actually one mentioned by Adnega in a comment on my Request post. Its an idea I suddenly had the other day about what if theology and chemistry follow the same rules. Specifically the rules about electron energy states and how they might apply to soul and the afterlife. But silly me, its been about 7 years since I've been in a chemistry class and I don't really remember much exactly about electron movement and their energy states. So thus I need to comb the Internet or find my old chemistry textbook and do some quick research.

I might have had another idea but I can't remember right now. Oh and there is a chance that I might start up a second blog for the sole purpose of my rants. I've had several rant ideas over the last week or so but I don't like the idea of filling this blog up with rants so I left them all unsaid for now. So that's something to look for in the future, maybe.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Request

I'd really love to post more blog entries but it seems like I never have anything to say anymore. So I'm putting out a request for ideas to talk about. Another request I have is for more people to leave comments. I'd be far more likely to write stuff if I knew people were actually reading it.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Over the Edge

Standing at the edge
Staring into oblivion
Terrible thoughts run through my brain
One step to change it all

Deep breaths, sour thoughts
Meditate on the meaning of hell
Personal demons flay my soul
All my sins laid on for all too see

Dark passages through darker terrain
Nothingness is my friend
Sacrifice on the alter of life
Plant a forest in my heart and dig a quarry in my brain

NAO 2-4-2010

Not sure why I'm so dark today. And really not sure whats up with that last line but I think I like it the best.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Blah days

My life has been pretty boring lately and I haven't had much to say on here, so I haven't wrote anything in a long while. It's cold out and work is work, boring and I never feel like going. I need to make some change to my daily routine, shake things up a bit. I also need to start exercising more. I lost so weight last summer and it was great, not much mind you but some. Well I put all that weight back on in the last month or so.

I used to always like winter but I've just started to notice recently that I always seem to be more depressed during the winter months. This I believe is relatively normal, everyone suffers from the winter blues. Lack of good sunlight I think some believe is the cause. But I don't normally spend much time out in the sun anyway even during the summer so that doesn't seem right for me. What do I know though?

I've really been trying to think of something to write lately. I found some old tape recorders I had from years ago and they sit next to my bed now so in case I have anymore ideas at night I can record my thoughts and write them down later. But I haven't used them at all yet so who knows how well this plan will work.

The basic idea for the story I have right now is it is the modern day, or maybe just slightly into the future, and the Fae have made their presence publicly known. One thing the Fae have been doing for years is replacing human babies with Fae babies to be raised as humans, called changelings. Well the story is going to be about a changeling who's Fae ability is shape shifting into a wolf and back to human, so of course to most people he would just be called a werewolf. And his friend happens to be an old leprechaun. The basic idea of the story is going to be about how they are just trying to live their lives in a world that is still trying to figure out how to deal with the Fae being among them. Of course this is all likely going to change if or when I get around to writing any of it.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Foggy with low visibilty

Why my writing methods suck. I had the open lines to a poem in my head not to long ago. Just two or three lines but that's all I usually start with for my random little musings. Now I can remember nothing but three words, "Night born fantasies."

If I employed a more "normal" writing method I would have jotted down the lines right when they came to me and spent some of the time between then and when I finally got here to write it out on figuring out the rest of the poem. Instead I just blissfully kept on doing whatever it was that I was doing and now I can't remember anything.

Now one might read my musings and say "oh well" because none of them really make sense or amount to anything anyway. But the same thing I do for my little nonsense poems is what I do for my stories I try to write. The other day I thought up a whole speech one character was giving another and it had some really good lines in it. But I was busy doing something else at the time and didn't take any notes. Now all I am left with is a vague impression of what that bit of dialogue was about and no details like I had already wrote once in my head.

Damn my inferior brain for not storing stuff like a hard drive, where one usually only has to write something once and it stays there until you delete it. Nope me, I do things more like writing on a mirror after a shower. You know how the mirror always fogs up, well eventual that condensation leaves and everything you wrote disappears. Sure you can steam up the mirror again and might still be able to read it but its not very clear. Anyway that's sort of like my brain, all foggy and not clear at all.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

I think there are many more roads than just two in front of me and which one I take now may very well set the rest of my life on a path I never dreamed. Many little decisions ahead of me I think and no idea which is ultimately the best one. Easily enough I can pick out what might be considered the "safest" route, boring that it may be. Also I could pick out the exciting and risky path well enough, but I foresee only pain and loneliness at the end of that road. It's the road in the middle, the ones that seem to blend together weaving back and forth and crisscrossing that is so hard for me to pick from.

If I wake up tomorrow and set my foot down the wrong path then what? Will it be too late to change paths? A house, my job, a relationship, a friendship, etc... which of these waits along which paths? Stepping into a fog and wondering blind is what I feel like sometimes.

May my goddess help illuminate my path and may I be smart enough to see the signs.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Tread Lightly

There are no glass slippers here
Lava rocks sear your feet
Molten magma pours as passion from my heart
Leaving me empty and confused

Tangled web we weave
In our dance under twilight moon
Night blossomed flower in your hair
And the clouds under your feet

Tread lightly through my mind
And be gentle with my heart
Too many tears have I shed
For something that was all in my head

Staring up at beauty in the sky
Moon full and graceful as it dances through the night
In my arms I clutch a picture frame
With nothing in it but air

NAO 1/15/2010
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As usually I have no idea what I'm trying to say here. The opening doesn't really seem to fit the rest of the poem, but what do I know. I merely type the words as my muse whispers them to my soul.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Rant: Sex Ed

Ok, it's a topic that has popped up a couple of times in the last few days and it's been awhile since I've posted a rant. The first time it popped up was on a rerun of an episode of King of the Hill, and the other was on a web comic I follow.

The classic argument is that schools have no business teaching sexual education to children, that's something the parents should teach their children. Personally I do think it is something the parents should teach their children, but the fact of the matter is most parents won't, or will wait until it's too late. They will be to embarrassed to talk to their kids about it and the children were probably raised in such a way to be embarrassed to talk to their parents about it. So everyone just ends up to embarrassed to really talk about it.

But it goes deeper than parents just not wanting schools to teach it to their children. People seem to think sex ed some how encourages the students to go out and have sex. I don't really remember much of the sex ed my school gave but I know it in no way encouraged me to go out and have sex. I also know it could have been way better. I think I came away with more questions than answers, but like I said I don't remember much of it.

The point is children will find out about sex whether its taught in school or not. I remember knowing about sex, even if I didn't know the actual mechanics of it, at a very young age. And at school you hear things, and somebody will always find their dad or brother's porn stash, and with the Internet its even easier to find that stuff if parents don't watch what their kids are doing, and is that where kids should be learning about sex?

As far as I know most sex ed classes come with a parental consent form. So parents out there if you really think the school has no business teaching your children about sex, don't sign the form, but be sure to teach them yourself or be ready to face the consequences. But just because you don't want the school to teach your child, that doesn't mean you have any right to try to ban the school from teaching the children of parents that realize they aren't prepared to teach their own children about it and that want the school to teach their children.

And as a side note: Abstinence only sex ed classes are the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Teenagers will have sex, there is no stopping this, it's part of our DNA. For gods sake teach them how to have safe sex before it's too late.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

"That which is, is. That which will be, will be. That which was, never happened."

Um yeah I have no idea why I just thought that but it was funny to me. Anyway it has a bit of a point. We can't change that which is happening as it happens to us. We can only change how we react to it. We can't change what will happen in the future. We can only prepare ourselves for all possibilities as best we can. We can't change what has already happened. We can only learn from it and be better prepared the next time it happens.

Discuss.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It's just the beginning

He looked like nobody, this man. That is to say he looked like everybody, so much so that you just looked right past him. Just another nobody on the street going about his business. But the things this man would say, completely utterly ridiculous things that at once you knew could not be true, and yet you knew this man never spoke a lie. This man did not have the bearing of a liar so this totally utterly ridiculous things he spoke could only be true.

Innocuous this man may seem at first, but his hidden truths once revealed can not be secreted away again. Daniel had passed him once on his way to work last week. And then again on his way home from the theater just the night before. Neither time did Daniel stop and listen to what he was saying, more mumbling to himself really, yet somehow Danial could clearly recall all the words like they wear branded onto his brain or carved into his very bones, they were stuck so deep into his soul.

He couldn't bear to repeat those words. Just thinking them, which he couldn't stop doing as much as he had tried, felt like getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly. The words were complex, precise, and detailed many horrors to come. The message was simple. Daniel was about to die a horrible painful death. And that was only going to be the beginning of the story.

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I have no idea what this story is or if I will ever write more of it. But I couldn't help but write this down as it came to me just now so I will share it. Let me know what you think.

Friday, January 1, 2010

That's life for you...

Well it is a new year, 2010 now. What does that mean? Well it means I have to spend the year trying not to be annoyed at the people that think its a new decade already for one thing. Come on people, there was no year 0 so year 10 is still in the first decade. I mean I can understand why people think the way they do about it, but that doesn't make them any more right.

Anyway that's not really the point of this post, which as of yet doesn't really have one. Some updates on my life; got my car fixed this week. It had a few spots where it was leaking transmission fluid, and one oil leak too, and a few other minor problems and preventative maintenance things to be done.

It was weird to be without my car again so soon after having to leave it in the ditch for most of the week just a few weeks ago, but at least I didn't have to go anywhere this week as the place I work shuts down between Christmas and New Years. Which just means I'm going to have a really bad case of the Mondays next week when I have to go back to work.

I've cleaned my apartment up some, but not nearly as much as I meant to with this week off. Mostly I watch movies and played video games. Not a bad way to relax during my time off from work I'd say.

I've also spent some time thinking about the story I want to try to write. The main character is going to be a werewolf who has some sort of Fae as a friend. I haven't decided yet what kind of Fae exactly, maybe a leprechaun or a troll. And for that matter in my story world I think I want to present werewolves as just another subset of Fae, one that just happens to change shape into that of a wolf and have some wolf like abilities. I think the greater arc of the story is going to be about the world coming to grips with the recently exposed existence of the Fae, who have been secretly living among humanity from the very beginnings. But the focus of the story is going to be something smaller and more personal I think, just not sure what yet.