Thursday, August 6, 2009

Deja Vu

So I don't know about you guys but I get feelings have deja vu all the time. Its usually about nothing. Tonight at work there were a few of us standing around talking about something and they way everybody was standing and the topic and, for me this is always the key, the specific words all seemed to have happened before. I've always wished that my feelings of deja vu would some how warn me of something, or hint at something bigger than the ordinary everyday things that seem to be going on at the time, but the problem is I never know a deja vu moment is about to happen until its already started and most of the time it only last a few seconds at most.

Though there was the time almost 8 years ago now that I had a 3 hour long deja vu moment and I seriously questioned my sanity. It happened the first night I went to a student group I was interested in while I was a student at Iowa State. So I was surrounded by people I didn't know and knew everything they were going to say all night right before they said it, and the moment didn't end there. After the meeting was done I went for a long walk with one of my friends and for most of that walk I knew what he was going to say before he said it even though it was about stuff we had never talked about before that night.

To farther make me think I was crazy I think that was the night I was writing an email to one of my teachers from high school and it was long enough that I had to scroll up and down to proof read it and I swear every time I scrolled up or down the words off screen changed all on their own. Complete mostly grammatically correct sentences were maintained and the general meaning of the sentences stay mostly the same, but the words used to express the ideas had changed from what I had remembered typing. I went back up and down the email several times reading it and every time it was changed yet again. It was a thoroughly scary event, the closest I've come to truly being terrified I think.

One thing I wish I could check on but I know of no way of doing it would be to check how close to September 11th that night had been, since it was the fall of 2001 when it happened. Given the general schedule of events that lead up to I'd have to say it was a couple of weeks after, but I can't be sure.

I would like to pause here and say that I do not now, nor have I ever taken drugs except what the doctor prescribe me, and back then I never went to the doctor. Even to this day I only go to the doctor when I have something I think needs antibiotics to clear out of my system, so to my knowledge I have never willingly taken any forms of hallucinogens or other illegal narcotics.

Anyway back to my deja vu. I almost never remember my dreams for more than a few minutes after waking up. But every moment of deja vu I get the feeling that I had dreamt it at some time in the past. And most of the time the deja vu moments come complete with me either thinking or saying out loud, "Wow, deja vu!" So there have been times, I think, where I have awoke from my dream with the only part that I can remember for those first few seconds being me thinking, "Wow, deja vu!" and I'm left wondering how long it will be before I get to live through the events I just dreamt, but already the events themselves have been erased from my memory until the event happens and I am suddenly living life with an echo, knowing what will happen just moments before it actually does.

My deja vu feelings have helped me form my views on the nature of time, especially the non-linearity of time. So quite simply my opinion is that I somehow dream the future, my brain can't comprehend it so ignores it, until the event I dreamed starts to happen, at which time my brain drags up the memory of the dream and goes "See here it is. Wow, deja vu!"

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